I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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