I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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