She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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