so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
