I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
