So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
