The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
