my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
