I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
