is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
