I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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