you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
