Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
