hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
