Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
