overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i out mim tonsoeep
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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