My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
