so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
