420 ftw
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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