Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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