Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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