My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
