Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
