yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
