I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
