Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
