This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
