you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
