go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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