That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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