I showed him my bush... on skype.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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