i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
