He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
