Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
