Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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