woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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