Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
