Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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