Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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