Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
