apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
