my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's never too late to be topless.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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