i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
