Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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