You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
