i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
