Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
