idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
