I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
