just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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