In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
