Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
