Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
