you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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