He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
