so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
