Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My ass is underappreciated
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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